So many metaphors for God's relationship with us come from being a parent...
I have five kids, three of which live in the house and are of an age that I expect them to listen and follow directions. Of course, they are kids and listening is not always a strong trait of that species. We came up with a saying in our house to make sure we had our kids attention. It usually follows several repetitions of their name, in increasing volume, and is "Give me your eyes!"
When I have my kids eyes I can be sure I at least have 50% of their listening attention. Sometimes we make quiet offers of fun things and then say "oh, I guess you're not interested." They go on with "What? what? what were you saying?" and we say "oh, nevermind."
I wonder how many times God has called my name and even said "Give me your eyes" and I've completely ignored it...and maybe missed out on something great.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Unconditional love...
A quick story to break up some of the philosophy-type talk...though it does fit in.
A couple of years ago I got a call that one of our kids was in trouble at school and had been arrested. It wasn't the first time for him, but it was the first time I had to go and pick him up. I listned to the school resource officer explain the situation; I listened to the counselor. I watched my son sit there in a haze not really hearing any of it, only sitting with his head hanging down.
Neither of us said a word until on our way out to the car. The only thing I could think of to say was "I love you, and I don't know what we're going to do but we'll figure it out." I wasn't sure he even heard me or paid attention.
A few months later we were in a discussion group at church talking about parent-child relationships. In this discussion he brought up that story and vividly recalled the words that I had said and even shared how that had made him feel, had taken some of the fear out of his mind. There were certainly consequences, and he expected those, but I wanted to tell him that he didn't need to doubt our love or commitment. I'm glad he was listening.
So many times in our lives we have to deal with problems, some of which we created. In those times we need to hear those words from God (He is always saying them, we just may not be listening). Sure, there are consequences just from our humanness (we have all fallen short), but that doesn't take away God's unconditional love.
A couple of years ago I got a call that one of our kids was in trouble at school and had been arrested. It wasn't the first time for him, but it was the first time I had to go and pick him up. I listned to the school resource officer explain the situation; I listened to the counselor. I watched my son sit there in a haze not really hearing any of it, only sitting with his head hanging down.
Neither of us said a word until on our way out to the car. The only thing I could think of to say was "I love you, and I don't know what we're going to do but we'll figure it out." I wasn't sure he even heard me or paid attention.
A few months later we were in a discussion group at church talking about parent-child relationships. In this discussion he brought up that story and vividly recalled the words that I had said and even shared how that had made him feel, had taken some of the fear out of his mind. There were certainly consequences, and he expected those, but I wanted to tell him that he didn't need to doubt our love or commitment. I'm glad he was listening.
So many times in our lives we have to deal with problems, some of which we created. In those times we need to hear those words from God (He is always saying them, we just may not be listening). Sure, there are consequences just from our humanness (we have all fallen short), but that doesn't take away God's unconditional love.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Second - finding similar thinking
As my wife and I were looking into adoption issues, especially the concept of attachment disorders, we came across a great book called (duh!) Attaching in Adoption:
Practical Tools for Today's Parents by Deborah Gray. I had started to consider some of the similarities in how kids with attachment issues manifest those in their behavior and how humans behave toward God.
I happened to find this at the end of the acknowledgements section of the book:
“I have come to acknowledge myself as an attachment-disordered child of a loving God, slow to trust and confused between life and God, in spite of evidence of love. I am grateful for this extragant love, flowing through my life, through my work.”
(excerpt from Attaching in Adoption:Practical Tools for Today's Parents by Deborah Gray, Perspectives Press, Inc.: Indianpolis, IN, 2002, used with permission)
I was taken aback by this and glad to know that I wasn't the only one seeing this connection. I've looked around on the net and haven't really found anything that made such a comparison or explored this aspect.
Practical Tools for Today's Parents by Deborah Gray. I had started to consider some of the similarities in how kids with attachment issues manifest those in their behavior and how humans behave toward God.
I happened to find this at the end of the acknowledgements section of the book:
“I have come to acknowledge myself as an attachment-disordered child of a loving God, slow to trust and confused between life and God, in spite of evidence of love. I am grateful for this extragant love, flowing through my life, through my work.”
(excerpt from Attaching in Adoption:Practical Tools for Today's Parents by Deborah Gray, Perspectives Press, Inc.: Indianpolis, IN, 2002, used with permission)
I was taken aback by this and glad to know that I wasn't the only one seeing this connection. I've looked around on the net and haven't really found anything that made such a comparison or explored this aspect.
Monday, July 21, 2008
First realizations...
One of the first times the comparison between earthly and heavenly adoptions occured shortly after we had made the decision to adopt our oldest son, J. J had been with us about three years and actually had aged out of the foster care system. We had told him we wanted to adopt him and he was going along with it - an "adult" adoption. These are unusual but not unheard of, and we wanted to provide a permanent family for J and give him that sense of belonging no matter what.
We had a habit of leaving notes at times when things needed to be said but weren't necessarily comfortable. J left a note one night expressing how happy he was that we were going to adopt him, how glad he was we had stuck with him through the hard times (and I think even how sorry he was he had put us through it...)
As I read that note (I'm sure I have it somewhere) I had such a sense of joy and happiness that he wanted to be adopted by us! He could have stopped it at any point but we would have fought hard to keep the decision. I couldn't help but think that if I feel this small amount of joy, how much joy does God feel when we make the choice to be part of the family; our decision doesn't change whether or not we're adopted, but our attitude can bring joy to all!
We had a habit of leaving notes at times when things needed to be said but weren't necessarily comfortable. J left a note one night expressing how happy he was that we were going to adopt him, how glad he was we had stuck with him through the hard times (and I think even how sorry he was he had put us through it...)
As I read that note (I'm sure I have it somewhere) I had such a sense of joy and happiness that he wanted to be adopted by us! He could have stopped it at any point but we would have fought hard to keep the decision. I couldn't help but think that if I feel this small amount of joy, how much joy does God feel when we make the choice to be part of the family; our decision doesn't change whether or not we're adopted, but our attitude can bring joy to all!
Perceptions of Adoption
The common perception is that adoption is full of happiness and joy - parent(s) and child(ren) have selected each other to be together forever. The only other relationship where this happens is in marriage, and that is always pictured as starting full of love, joy, and hope. And why shouldn't it be that way?
And so when we talk about our relationship with God as "adopted" children of His own - chosen by Him (and us choosing Him...) it should be full of love, joy, and hope. Shouldn't it?
The simple fact is that it isn't always that way...there are struggles, issues of trust that has been betrayed by others, issues of loss and grief.
As I've gone through my own journeys in adoption (having adopted two children, guessing that these aren't the last) I have seen similarities in how adopted children behave, whether their Father is heavenly or earthly. Those of us that have struggled to trust God and have a hard time believing that they are worthy of His love and grace have a lot in common with adopted kids.
And so when we talk about our relationship with God as "adopted" children of His own - chosen by Him (and us choosing Him...) it should be full of love, joy, and hope. Shouldn't it?
The simple fact is that it isn't always that way...there are struggles, issues of trust that has been betrayed by others, issues of loss and grief.
As I've gone through my own journeys in adoption (having adopted two children, guessing that these aren't the last) I have seen similarities in how adopted children behave, whether their Father is heavenly or earthly. Those of us that have struggled to trust God and have a hard time believing that they are worthy of His love and grace have a lot in common with adopted kids.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Getting started...
I figured I would give it a try and post some thoughts on adoption and foster care from a dad's perspective...I find myself making comparisons to all kinds of aspects of human adoption to the adoption of myself and others by God the Father. I have seen hints of these ideas scattered about but haven't really seen a collection of them...
In no way am I trying to compare myself to God (I want to write comedy some day, but this isn't it...) but there are just lots of things I've learned and thought of through adopting two kids of very different ages and histories.
More later, when I can find the time and collect some of my thoughts...
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